Amarilloan goes from modest beginnings in Habitat home to earning doctorate

Totundra Grays grew up in a house built by Habitat for Humanity on the north side of Amarillo.

Now folks can call her doctor — even if she’s not quite used to it.

Grays, who graduated with her Ph.D. in family studies from Texas Women’s University this month, was born and raised in Amarillo. She calls herself a middle child — she has an older brother from her mother and a younger sister from her father. She attended Robert E. Lee Elementary School, Horace Mann Middle School and then Tascosa High School, where she graduated in 1995.

Though she only has two siblings, Grays was raised in a large family, with her paternal grandmother having had 14 children.

“I had a huge extended family that raised me,” she said. “I had always had somebody to play with, somewhere to go and something to do.”

Grays’ mother worked at a local hospital while raising her two children on her own and needed a hand up, which she got from Habitat for Humanity.

“My father was actively involved but they weren’t together, so my mother was a single parent,” Grays said. “She was always one of those mothers who put us before herself … so even though we didn’t grow up with a lot of money, I never felt that. We always had birthdays and the things that we needed.

“I had a wonderful childhood. I wish every child could live the way that I lived because I had a lot of love and a lot of support. I never felt like I missed out on anything.”

Because of that support, Grays said she has never known any direction but forward.

“I was always a really determined person — I just had this drive to always do more and do better. My parents always encouraged me to do my best and put my best foot forward … and played a very instrumental role in me wanting to go further.

“I never had anybody tell me, ‘That dream is too big ‘or ‘You can’t accomplish that,’” Grays said.

As influential and supportive as her family members are, Grays said she didn’t feel she had a specific person to emulate when she was younger.

“I remember seeing teachers … but in my immediate environment, I don’t really remember seeing examples of people to where I felt, ‘Oh, I want to be like this person,’ but I did have people that I admired.”

Several of Grays’ relatives graduated from college, and though she always knew she was college-bound, her field of study turned out to be a fluid concept.

“I initially wanted to be a computer programmer … until I took my first computer class (at Amarillo College) and I quickly realized that was not the major for me,” she said.

A career assessment at AC steered her in a direction that better suited her talents.

“I’ve always been the person that people could talk to … I don’t know if it’s something about my demeanor but people are kind of drawn to me,” she said.

After high school, she fulfilled her general education requirements at Amarillo College before continuing on at the University of North Texas in Denton where she majored in social work.

Grays has two master’s degrees — both from the University of Texas at Arlington. In 2001, she graduated with a master’s in social work and in 2006 she earned a master’s in public administration.

“I think education is my hobby,” she said laughing. “But me and my student loan debt will be together for quite some time.”

Grays said she never felt any goal was out of her reach.

“I can’t think of anything major that would’ve got in the way of me pressing forward,” she said. “It could just be that I see things differently … having a spiritual background and looking at things from a positive perspective. I tell people, ‘Let’s look at what’s good in your life instead of focusing on what isn’t.’”

Currently working as a clinical social worker at a hospital in Dallas, where she has been for the last nine and a half years, Grays is looking forward to the opportunities coming her way.

“I also do psychotherapy with children in the Dallas Independent School District,” she said. “I was offered a job by my department chair … as an adjunct professor in the spring … and ultimately I would like to have a private practice.

“I absolutely love what I do. I know that God chose me for this field because I am so passionate about what I do — helping people learn and helping them discover their best selves. This is absolutely what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Though confident in her choice of profession, she admits she hasn’t figured out how she’ll apply her Ph.D. and is still getting accustomed to being referred to as a doctor.

“When people call me doctor … I still feel like a little girl from Amarillo,” she said. “I still feel like me.”

Though one of her cousins tells her she missed her calling as a comedian, Grays is at peace with her current station in life.

“You may have hurdles, you may have obstacles, but you can do anything, you can go as far as God will take you,” she said. “I am so content with my life right now. I have no complaints. I’m living the best life that I know.”